


The Letter

by YKWencest



Category: Tegan and Sara (Band)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-08
Updated: 2016-05-08
Packaged: 2018-06-07 01:33:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6779854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YKWencest/pseuds/YKWencest
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Every relationship has some material article that reminds the people involved of their shared love. Theirs is a letter, written long ago from Sara to Tegan.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Letter

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, here's that new oneshot I had worked on. Oh, I know this is some sacred Quincest ground I'm treading on, lol. But hopefully I did it some justice. Let me know what you all think of this one. Hope you all enjoy.

“Do you remember the letter you wrote to me?”

So many nights alone in bed started that way. Sara would smile at the question. Yes, she remembered the letter. Of course she remembered. It had been so long ago that she had written a letter to Tegan, the contents of which they had never spoken of to the public. Maybe the people knew. Maybe they could guess. Maybe it was obvious in the way that Sara had gotten nervous when Tegan tried to speak of it in that store in front of all those people.

“I really loved this part, here.”

Sara would smile wider at that. Never in her wildest dreams had she thought when writing it, that Tegan would love any part of it, let alone show such adoration and love for specific parts. She would look over to the alarm clock beside her bed, the red numbers shining brightly in the dark room. It never seemed too late to her, when Tegan would call. Time even seemed to move slower once she picked up the phone.

“There’s stains on the paper here. I don’t know who left them.”

Probably both of them. In fact, Sara knew the both of them had left tear stains on the paper. Sara poured her heart and soul out into that letter. Some of the tears, she was sure, were happy tears, thinking of her love for her twin. Others, not so much. She hated to think what would happen once Tegan had received the letter.

“Do you remember writing this part?”

“Yes, of course.”

Sara would go into detail, informing her twin of the things she was feeling at the time of writing. The nerves, the love, the fear, the self loathing. She would giggle at her past self, the way she boldly declared her love. She was so brave back then. She was so scared back then. The good thing about moving to Montreal was that, if Tegan ended up hating her, if Tegan wanted nothing to do with her again after all was said and done, then she wouldn’t have to face the shame in the outside world. She could curl up in a ball on her bed and cry her eyes out until they were dried and shriveled, and no one would be the wiser.

“What made you write it?”

“You.”

Sara remembered how it was for her. She needed to move. She needed to move badly. She had been thinking about it so much anymore at that time. She needed to get away from Tegan. Maybe that would “cure” her. Maybe that would make her all “better”. She remembered telling her sister that day.

“I’m moving.”

“Oh yeah? Where to, I’ll come visit you.”

“M-Montreal.”

Tegan cried. Oh how Tegan had cried.

“Why are you doing this? Why are you leaving like this?”

“I’m not leaving. I just… I just want to be my own person.”

“You wanna quit the band, don’t you? That’s why you’re moving out there like that, so we can’t collaborate with each other and just call it quits.”

“It’s not like that, Tegan. I just need to do this.”

That sight never left her, the sight of Tegan weeping in her home. Tegan had yelled at her. Tegan gave her what for. She remembered being told to get out. She remembered hurrying to the door sadly. She remembered jumping at the sounds of chaos coming from the house she had left behind. She could hear it still as she stepped onto the sidewalk and ducked her head. She should’ve felt better. She should’ve felt liberated. But all she felt was sorrow. All she felt as her heart breaking for her twin.

“I remember I told everybody about it.”

Sara would laugh. She thought maybe the letter was gone. Maybe Tegan never received it, and all Sara would need Montreal for was that oh-so magical “cure” she was looking for. Then she heard Tegan on the phone. She told people about it. And she sounded… happy? Did that mean what Sara thought it meant? Did that mean that Tegan actually liked the letter, maybe even loved it? Her friends. Their mom. Their dad. All these people, Tegan had told. Sara assumed that Tegan had kept the true information to herself with the way she smiled widely as she talked. She was sure no one knew what had been written.

“Do you remember how I kissed you that first night?”

“Yes, I remember. It was magical.”

That kiss. Their first kiss. It wasn’t supposed to happen. The world had told them no. They were never supposed to know what the other’s lips tasted like, the way the other’s tongue felt on their own. They were never supposed to look at each other, hold each other, the way they had that night. Whispers. The night was filled with whispers. They were so nervous. They were so scared. All they were doing was kissing, yet whenever they heard the faintest of noises, they would freeze still. They were cautious. They were frightened.

“Do you remember how I kept it in my suitcase for the rest of the year?”

“I thought that was really sweet.”

They shared rooms across the country. Sara always bit her lip and smiled whenever she would unlock the door to their room, returning from whatever it was that had her out, and see Tegan sitting up in the bed, the letter in her hands with her mouth moving silently to the words. It was beautiful. It was amazing. Tegan would dab at her eyes here or there until she reached the end of the letter. She would carefully fold the paper back up the way it was supposed to go, slip it back into its envelope, and then clutch it to her heart. She was in love.

“This part right here? That part was my favorite.”

It wasn’t all good, though, after that letter. They still fought, they still argued. The letter didn’t magically set everything right. The letter didn’t make all the problems go away. Maybe it was because of the letter that things got so bad the way they had. Maybe it was because Sara initiated something that was so hard, so difficult to deal with, that ruined them for that short time. The fight. **The** fight. It was the only fight that ever really mattered. It felt like it was the only physical altercation they had ever had in their long history together. It was the fight that brought up the thoughts of quitting again after so long.

And still, Tegan found time to call her. Sara wasn’t sure that would happen ever again. She thought for sure that Tegan was done with her. Why wouldn’t she be? They fought. Before going on stage, no less. They were over. They should’ve been over. But sure enough, one dark, lonely, lonesome night, her phone rang.

“Do you remember the letter you wrote to me?”

“Y-Yeah… Yeah, I remember.”

So many tears were shed that first night. Tegan went over the letter, as she had always done, and Sara listened. The sound of Tegan’s voice. Oh, she was certain she would never hear it again. She could always try to speak in Tegan’s voice herself, it couldn’t be too hard, but it wouldn’t be the same. Tegan sounded just as happy and in love as she had the first time they talked about it together, or the time that Sara overheard her on the phone that day.

“Tegan, I’m sorry.” Tears.

“I’m sorry, too, Sara.” Tears.

“I… I-I still love you.” More tears.

“I still love you, too.” More tears.

“You don’t hate me?” Even more tears.

“No, I don’t hate you.” Even more tears.

It wasn’t the shortest journey, but the road to recovery was a trip they were willing to take. Tegan didn’t call as frequently about the letter while they were healing, but that was fine. Sara called Tegan when she felt like it, and Tegan called her just the same. It was important. They were showing each other that they still cared. They were still in love.

New Orleans. Who would’ve thought that New Orleans would be a place for them? They had gone there to record music, but really, it was for their relationship. Their love needed just a bit more healing. It worked. Oh, how it worked. They spent nights together in the same bed, running their fingers lovingly along each other’s arms, smiling widely to each other over the smallest thing, whispering declarations of love all through the night. They were whole again.

“Sara…. Sara…. Sara, wake up.”

“Mmm… what, Tegan?”

“Do you remember the letter you wrote to me?”

“Yes, I remember.”

The letter had been such a big part of their history. So many nights spent talking about it. So much love shared because of it. So much. Sara loved to receive Tegan’s call at home, she did. But it always had the unintended side effect of reminding her that she was so far away from her love.

“Are you sleepy? I know it’s late over there.”

“No, no. Go ahead. I love hearing you talk.”

“Sara? Sara, did you hear me? I said this part was amazing. Sara?”

“…………..”

“Goodnight, Sasa. I love you. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Sweet dreams, baby.”

Years. Years she had spent in Montreal. For years it had been her home. But, now that she had Tegan, did she still need Montreal? She couldn’t say she did. There was no justifiable reason for her to stay so far away from home, from Tegan. Tegan started living in L.A. That was more space. Too far away. Maybe it was time for Sara to go to her twin. Go to her other half. Yes, that was it. So Sara moved. She was living in the same city as Tegan again. Her heart felt better knowing that Tegan was just a small trip away. Sure, they didn’t live in the same house, but they were much closer now than they had been in all those years.

“Do you remember the letter you wrote me?”

“Of course, Teetee.”

Her babies, her cats. Oh, the two spent so much time with them. Officially, they were Sara’s cats, but they knew. They both knew that they were Tegan’s as well. It was their little way of starting a family. It was the next logical step in their relationship. If their career was their marriage, then they were ready for kids. Simple as that. But then… it still wasn’t full, was it? Something was still missing, wasn’t it?

“Would you um… Would you like to move in with me?”

“Yeah, of course I would. A-Are you serious?”

“I’ve never been more serious.”

“Oh, Sasa, this is gonna be the best ever.”

Everything was the way it was supposed to be. Their career was phenomenal. Their babies were healthy. Their love was in full force. Nothing could bring them down ever again. This relationship was here to stay. They were soul mates. Sara remembered coming to that realization at their cousin’s wedding. She remembered rushing to find Tegan after the shock wore off. She remember taking her aside and telling her.

“Tegan, Tegan. I know. I know.”

“Know what, Sara?”

“I know what it is. I know why everyone’s love story sounds so silly and contrived now.”

“Why? What are you talking about?”

“We’re soul mates, Tegan. That’s why we don’t do relationships so well. We’re each other’s soul mates already. We don’t need to find them because we’re right here.”

“That’s sweet, Sasa.”

They were happy together, sharing their home. Every day was the best day ever anymore. It was all they had ever hoped for and more. They were in love, and they were happy. Sara thought that maybe, when they started living together, that would be the end of the phone calls. And in a way, it was. There was no sense in Tegan calling her if she was right there in the bed with her. But at the same time, it wasn’t the end by a long shot.

“Hey, Sara?”

“Yeah, babe?”

“Do you remember the letter you wrote me?”


End file.
